Second Class Citizen

I recently decided to quit living as a stranger in a foreign land. For many years, I have had a sense of being on the outside looking in on the great things of the Kingdom. I have watched as those around me have accomplished more than I ever could have hoped for. They were living their dreams while I was trapped by mine. Yearning for more but stuck in the land of mediocrity and unfulfilled longing.

Before long, jealousy began to take root in my heart. Then bitterness. Then worthlessness. I went from being in love with God to feeling rejected by Him and by His people. Why wasn’t I good enough? Why couldn’t I make my life count for something? Why did God give me a dream I would never see come to pass? Was I going to spend the rest of my life on the sidelines, watching God move but never being invited into the game?

I found myself unable to really enter into the family of God. I was too busy comparing myself and my life to everyone around me. Insecurity and inadequacy were my constant companions, preventing me from enjoying the gifts others brought to the table. I had accepted my lot as a second class citizen in the Kingdom.

My vision had been tainted by my experience. I saw that God had two types of children:

Those He was truly proud of and those He simply tolerated.

Those He desired to lavish blessing on and those for whom He provided the bare minimum.

Those who walked in His favor and those who walked in the shadow cast by their siblings.

Those who mattered and those who merely existed.

I tried to overcome my orphan mentality. I tried to believe what the Word said about who I was. I tried to explain it away every time I saw someone walk in the blessing I was seeking. I tried to love God even though He treated me like an unwanted step child instead of a chosen daughter. But my efforts failed.

Nothing I said or did seemed to get my Father’s attention. My broken heart did not seem to break His. My desperate cries fell on deaf ears. My longing was left unfulfilled. My requests were overlooked. I did not belong in this family. God did not choose me, He was stuck with me.

I wish I could tell you that God broke into my life in a powerful, dramatic way and set me free from the prison of my heart and mind. I would love to say that I never struggle with feeling overlooked anymore. If I could, I would share how God released me fully into everything I have been waiting for and I have never looked back.

I can not say any of that. What I can say is that day by day, little by little, my heavenly Father is whispering in my ear about who I am. He is speaking truth into a minefield of lies. Some wounds are deeper than others. Some have been there longer. Some are proving to be more difficult to heal.

Now, I know that I am chosen. I know that I am loved. I may not be walking in everything I have been hoping for, but I am walking in the unfailing love of the One who created me. I am beginning to believe that what He brings is His best, even if it is not what I would have chosen. I am daring to step into the arena and connect with my brothers and sisters again. I am choosing to live like I belong here.

Do you feel like a Kingdom outcast today? Listen to the quiet voice in your heart, telling you: ‘you are chosen, you are loved, you are mine’. Nothing else matters.

The Peacemaker

 This past week has been a particularly draining one for me. It seems as though every relationship has been tested and every last emotion has surfaced. I have found myself faced with the overwhelming desire to walk away for the sake of my sanity.

The problem is, I am not called to quit on the people and relationships God has placed in my life. I am called to be a peacemaker.

I have always thought that a peacemaker must be someone who never gets angry, never confronts anyone and gets walked on everyday. If you never take a stand, of course everyone will live at peace with you.

I now know that choosing to live as a peacemaker is a much more aggressive lifestyle. A peacemaker confronts sin when others are willing to overlook it because they know that true peace is only found in a pure heart.

A peacemaker is one who will have the difficult conversation when the relationship would probably survive having the issue swept under the rug. They know that when we bring things from the darkness into the light, freedom will reign and intimacy will increase.

A peacemaker will not settle for disunity in the body. Sometimes that means being the one to stand up against what is causing it in the first place. Speaking up with love and boldness will bring many closer to the heart of God.

A peacemaker will heed correction when it comes from love because becoming more like Christ is the one thing we all have in common and the only thing that will keep us living in community when the relationships get hard.

A peacemaker will go back and right a wrong no matter how difficult it is or how likely rejection seems.

A peacemaker will do everything possible to maintain loving relationships through forgiveness, grace, humility and transparency.

Being a peacemaker is a high calling. It is not for the faint of heart or the weak of will. Yet it is what everyone one of us is called to. There is blessing for the peacemakers.

You will be blessed when you refuse to give up on your marriage. Peace will come to your heart and your home when you choose words that uplift rather than tear down.

You will be blessed when you fight for your relationships. When you will have the difficult conversations, God will reveal the solutions.

You will be blessed when you refrain from gossip and slander in order to keep peace among the Body. By not adding fuel to the fire, you will please the heart of God.

You will be blessed when you choose to live at peace. Even when a relationship cannot be saved, choose to live at peace by keeping your heart free from bitterness, hatred and judgment. Keep your tongue from evil talk. Trust God to repair what you cannot. Pray for your enemies. Live at peace with God, others and your self. Live blessed.

Are you at peace today?

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Less Talk, More Walk

Yesterday I wrote about the spirit of competition in the Body of Christ which is, at least to some extent, responsible for the damage that has been done to the hearts, minds and spirits of many dreamers and visionaries. It is this very spirit that causes us to question our worth, minimize our value and forsake our dreams. Comparing ourselves to others or being held to a standard set by man rather than God is poison. It erodes our self image and destroys our potential. It robs us of our very identity as children of God and co-laborers with Christ.

So then what? I could write all day about this toxin we have allowed to run through the veins of the church unchecked and untreated. I could rebuke Christians every where for refusing to take a stand and making the problem worse. I could go on and on about what we should not be doing. It wouldn’t change a thing.

I am not the first person to notice the pandemic of comparison and competition in the Body. Anyone who has ever been judged, criticized or demeaned for trying to walk in what they are called to already knows the problem exists. The question is not about what we should not be doing; it is about how to become the church we were created to be.

I don’t have all the answers. If I did, I would not struggle with this issue myself. All I have to offer is what I believe God has revealed to me about how to stifle competition in my heart, my family, my social circle and my church.

1. Stop comparing yourself to others. Profound, right? I know you have heard this before, but I am not talking about the comparison in your mind. I am talking about taking very real steps in a very real way. Does Facebook make you feel less successful than your friends? Does everyone else seem happier or more fulfilled? Does relentlessly browsing through pictures and comments leave you feeling discontent and unhappy with what you have, what you do, or even who you are? Then, STOP IT. It may not be Facebook. It might be TV or movies, magazines, books or unhealthy relationships. Rid your life of the source of your comparison until you are built up in your worth enough to know that those things do not dictate your value.
2. Plug into a supportive community. Believe it or not, most Christians are loving, generous, encouraging people who want to see you succeed and prosper. Seek them out. Refuse to settle for friendships that leave you feeling empty and worthless. We are called to build one another up and be a life giving source of edification and support. You might have to look long and hard to find this kind of community. Take it from someone who spent far too much time isolated and far too many years trying to earn approval from people who were never going to give it anyway. Put in the time and the effort, because it is infinitely worth it.
3. Cheer others on. Even if, in the beginning, you are consumed with insecurity and jealousy. In the same way as we are to overcome evil with good and pray for those who persecute us, there is power in supporting those we believe are better than us. Eventually, your heart will change. Selfishness will give way to a desire for unity. Rather than being envious of the gifts and opportunities someone else has been given, you will come to appreciate and even celebrate them. Constantly looking inward will only make your bitterness and jealousy fester. Focus on the beauty all around you and soon you will find yourself part of it.
4. Stand on the uncompromising, life changing Word of God. You are who He says you are. Period.
5. Pray, pray, pray. This should be a given. Pray for those who have hurt or rejected you. Pray for those you are jealous of. Pray for God to change your heart. And pray for opportunity and purpose in your life. Yes, it is okay to ask for that!

Talking about the problem is not going to make it go away. Suffocate the life out of competition by taking a stand for unity.

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Ready, Set, Compete

Do you feel overlooked? Have you spent years of your life praying that one day, someone will see what you have to offer as valuable and significant? Are the gifts and talents within you wasting away because you can’t seem to find a place to use them? You are not alone.

The church is full of gifted, talented, called disciples who are frustrated and feel rejected by the lack of opportunity or room to use what God has given them to build up the Body and advance the Kingdom. Eventually, many of them choose to go where they will be valued and use their talent out in the world where it will be appreciated. The result is not only that they lose out, but that the church loses out as well.

Why? Week after week, we are encouraged to get involved in the ministry of the church and to express ourselves they way we have been uniquely gifted to do so. We are told never to back down from a dream God has placed in our hearts. Chase it. Pursue it. Live it. So we step out to respond to the call. And the door slams shut in our faces. “Thanks, but we don’t need what you have to offer”.

Someone more talented has already filled the spot. That is not the way we do things here. You don’t have the education or qualifications necessary. That is not really a priority for our ministry right now. We have tried that before and it never works. You have to be a member of the staff to do what you are asking to do. That will never work.

On and on it goes. Whatever the reason, the result is the same: we are left feeling worthless and without a place to belong.

Enter the spirit of competition. Remember when you were told to follow the call of God on your life? Then remember when you tried and you were rejected? The only thing left to do now is become better. Outwork, outperform, outshine. Then you will be noticed and you will be free to do what you long to do.

Approval from the right people is all that is standing between you and your dream. So you begin striving to become what they are looking for. Maybe it is your style they don’t like. That can be easily fixed. Your skill level? All it takes is a little hard work to improve on that. Perhaps you need influential connections. That is nothing a little networking won’t solve.

The more you work to be noticed, the more you feel utterly and completely insignificant. Your dream has now become a source of resentment, jealousy and hopelessness. Days are spent comparing yourself to others who seem to be more successful than you. How did they make it work? Why are they more accepted than you? What are you doing wrong? Did God ever call you to begin with?

It is a slippery slope from trying to walk in your calling to feeling rejected by man, to questioning your ability to hear the voice of God, to doubting the faithfulness of God. And it is all thanks to fostering a spirit of competition where there should only be unity.

Are you truly free to be who you are? Are you able to trust God to open the door for you when the time comes? Or are you wrapped up in the spiritual rat race, trying to earn approval and a place to belong?

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Forsaken Standard

But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

David fell woefully short of the standard set by the world for a king. He did not measure up to his brothers physically or intellectually.

Joseph was the youngest, weakest and least likely to succeed among his brothers.

Paul was a murderer who sought to torment and persecute the Church of Christ in the name of religion.

Abraham and Sarah were far beyond their prime and lacked the physical strength and stamina to fulfill the call of God on their lives at such an old age.

The list goes on and on. The Bible is full, from cover to cover, of rejects of the world who were used by God to change the course of history and build a kingdom that will stand forever. He chose those whom society had deemed ill equipped or unworthy of such a high calling. Every single time, the result was a move of God far too powerful to be credited to man. In the midst of complete weakness and inadequacy, Almighty God birthed promise after promise through the most unqualified candidate.

If God chose the misfits, why do we seek after the charismatic ones?

If God calls the under qualified, why do reject those without years of education and training?

If God birthed many nations through the womb of a woman too old to conceive, why do we assign more value to the talent of youth than the wisdom of age?

If God transformed the heart and life of murderers and used their testimonies to reach the multitudes, why do we disqualify those with a shameful past?

If God gave places of authority to the humble and less talented, why do we give places of honor to those who are talented and arrogant?

When did we forsake the standard God has set for his church to settle for what is approved of by the world?

The most powerful speakers, writers and leaders I know are people who have been rejected by the world. They may not have flash or polish, but they have heart. They have the ability to identify with those they are trying to reach. They got where they are not because they leaned on talent, but because they endured testing. They continued to believe in their dream when they were overlooked and rejected by the church because they did not fit the right mold. They welcome and encourage the rest of the misfits of church society. They love the least, the way they are called to. Because of that, they are anointed, powerful and effective.

The most anointed worship leaders I have encountered are not those with years and years of training. They did not all go to school. They were trained in the trenches. The songs they write, the way they lead and their ability to touch the heart of God have nothing to do with anything man can teach. It is a direct result of being on their face before the King of Kings, crying out for revelation and seeking His presence. They lead well because they have gone before. They have tasted and seen. And they love the church so much that they want everyone else to taste and see as well.

It is easy to spot the difference between a talented leader and an anointed leader. Given the choice, I want to follow one who is anointed.

I Used to Be a Hater

I used to hate the church. Not just the way other people dislike the church. I REALLY used to hate it. I was so offended and so hurt by the people in that place that for eight years, I refused to even walk through the doors. Then, once I did, it happened again and, as a new believer, I found myself so bitter and angry toward what I thought was supposed to be the body of Christ that I ran as far as I could for another year.

Denomination made no difference. What they claimed to believe was irrelevant. They may have appeared on the surface of things to be completely wonderful, accepting, loving people. I knew better. The church was full of hypocrites and critics. Their only motivation to get to know me was to possess the ammunition to tear me down.

I would listen to Christians talk about how, as the Body, we were called to stick together. To build one another up. To grow in love and unity. To be His hands and feet. They said those words with their mouth, but with their actions they told me time and time again that I just did not quite make the cut.

I was broken and struggling, but I still longed for relationship with other believers. I longed for a connection with someone who understood the most important priority in my life and would spur me toward wholehearted pursuit of the things of God. Rejection had driven me away and yet I knew God had created me for community.

Over time, God healed and I was able to walk back into the church again. Little by little, He restored my heart and tore down my carefully constructed defenses. I still lacked close friendships but I was able to connect on some level.

It took years of trusting Him and opening myself up to the possibility of further rejection and condemnation, but I am now beginning to build real friendships with people who accept me for who I am and yet encourage me to grow into who I am destined to become.

I thought transparency would expose my weakness and make me easy prey. Instead, by trusting people with the truth of who I am, I am becoming stronger and closer to God.

Iron really does sharpen iron. All those years of trying to struggle through on my own proved fruitless because I was never meant to go it alone.

Have you been hurt by the church? Do you believe you can live the life God is calling you to on your own? Do you resist true transparency in relationship? Without a choice to be one in heart and mind with the rest of the Body, we will never see God move the way we desire Him to.

It will be difficult, but I encourage you today to allow Holy Spirit to begin to take down your walls.

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What Happened?

Hopefully, you have asked yourself if you have grown complacent in your faith. You have been seeking Holy Spirit to help you stir yourself up again. You may not desire more of Him yet, but you are on your way.

Much like a marriage relationship, love for God can grow cold if it is not properly nurtured. Daily life, disappointment and disillusionment can dampen the coals that once fueled the fire of your heart. When love dies in a marriage, we call it an irreconcilable difference. We make excuses for why we could not make it work and why we have to walk away. We mistake love for an emotion.

If it is easy to give up on marriage when the feelings of love and passion wane, it is even easier to allow our relationship with God to suffer once the excitement of new life has faded and we are back to trying to exist in a world full of sin and indifference to the power and presence of the Creator.

When did you let the fire grow dim?

Knowing when and how your passion began to slip is the first step to getting it back. Without even realizing it, there may have been something that happened along the way to discourage you in your faith walk. Little by little, the circumstances of life may be choking the life out of what should be the most vibrant, powerful relationship you will ever know. If you are not desperately in love with your Savior today, ask yourself:

Has the drudgery of everyday life crept into your relationship with God?

As a new Christian, the promise of new life gives you the ability to believe the Word and to trust God to do everything He says He will do. Your faith has not yet been shipwrecked or tested. For a season, all is right with the world and Jesus is your new best friend.

When reality returns and you realize nothing has changed you have two choices: you can believe that even if nothing is different on the outside, everything has changed within. You can believe that what is unseen is far more valuable that what is seen. Or, you can question if God really has made your life better. When you allow yourself to think that your life is not brand new, your faith will begin to seem dull and mundane. Everyday, wake up and tell yourself that you are a new creation. God is doing something new in, through and for you today even if you have not seen it yet.

Did something happen to make you believe that God has forsaken you?

Did you believe God for something that never came to pass? Were you praying for healing, provision, salvation for family members or deliverance? As you were waiting and contending with no answer anywhere to be seen, did you begin to believe that God was not listening to your cries?

Nothing will kill your faith faster than believing that the promises of the Word are for everyone but you. Seeing those around you walk in favor and answers to prayer while you remain in the same place day after day is tiring. It can make you begin to question whether or not God loves you the way He seems to love everyone else. The worst case scenario: you will begin to doubt the faithfulness of God and the validity of His Word. That is a slippery slope that can lead you to a place of bitterness, anger and contempt for the One who loves you so intensely.

There is no easy 5-step formula to remain in faith. It requires believing when it is easy to convince yourself not to. It will take a level of contending from what you KNOW to be true rather than from what you feel based on appearance. Stand on the Word and let Holy Spirit build your faith as you wait. Don’t let what you see rob you of what He is truly doing.

Did someone say or do something to quench the fire within you?

As Christians, we were created for community. That does not mean that our family will never hurt or betray us. If you trust someone and share your dreams and visions with them, they may oppose them. If you are bubbling over with joy and love for God, someone may tell you that it will fade eventually and that you can not build your faith on emotion. If you are struggling to overcome sin or addiction, you may be judged and rejected. If you believe God has spoken to you, someone may tell you that what you heard was not the voice of God.

The biggest mistake you can make is to put the people of God on the same level as God Himself.

We are created in His image, but the reflection is flawed. Never allow man to take what God has freely given. Look to Him for your approval. Hold tightly to your dreams even when man believes they are foolish. Believe Him for your healing. He does not condemn you, so never turn cold on Him because of the condemnation of others.

Maybe you have had an experience that I did not mention here. Something that has stunted your growth and hindered your desire. Whatever it may be, the time has come to release it into the hands of God. Take the risk to believe He is faithful to finish the work He began in you. He is worthy of your devotion and fiery pursuit.

I always welcome your feedback! Feel free to leave comments or email me directly if Holy Spirit is moving in your life in this 40 Day Season.

Don’t Forget

Tomorrow is the first day of 40 Days of Awakening.

Do you feel dry?

Do you long for the voice and presence of God the way you used to experience it?

Have you quit seeking him with fervor and passion?

Do you want to see your generation experience true revival?

Are you in a season of waiting or trial?

Do you crave a move of God in your family, church and community?

Have you allowed yourself to compromise in your faith?

Are you desperate for more?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, the next 40 days are for you.

Join me and enter 2013 with renewed passion, fire and intimacy with the Lover of your soul.

Feel the Burn

I was once told that showing emotion from the pulpit is a sign of weakness. Well, consider me weak then. Ever since I began preaching in 2004, I have walked through every lesson myself before I ever spoke it in front of the church.

At times, I was choked up over the message God had placed on my heart and it would often show. I was told that it was because I was an emotional wreck and I needed to get it under control. For many years, I tried. When I would get emotional, I would fear judgment from the church and it was made worse by the fact that I did not know how to contain it. What I preached was so near to my heart, that I could not help but feel it with my whole being.

I now realize that I don’t want to take my passion out of my message. I want to shout from the rooftops what my God has done. I want the Bible to come alive in the hearts and minds of people across the nation of Canada and I want them to know that there is a God worth being passionate about. He is, after all, a passionate God.

It was with pure, holy anger that Jesus overturned the tables in the temple. The purposes and kingdom of the father were so precious to Him that He could not bear the thought of having them abused and disrespected.

The woman who washed the feet of Jesus with her tears and perfume was not scolded for her display of emotion. Rather, Jesus saw her lavish display of affection and heart-wrenching repentance as a true sacrifice and offering of love. She cast the opinions of others aside and focused on the object of her praise and Jesus received her with grace and gentleness.

When Peter denied Jesus and the realization of what he had done hit him, the Bible says he wept bitterly. The ache in his heart over the pain he caused his Lord was more than he could contain. His heart broke over what he had done and he was gripped with remorse. He did not try to maintain a strong front, he allowed himself to express his heartache.

When Lazarus died, Jesus wept. We are told that he was deeply moved, even though he always intended to raise him from the dead. He did not resist what he felt in the midst of loss and the heartache of a family who was grieving. We know that Jesus knew the outcome but we are never told whether or not he wept only because of the death of Lazarus, or the grief of his family as well. Either way, Jesus felt.

In complete and total brokenness, Jesus cried out to the father in the garden of Gethsemane. So often, we see Jesus’ emotion in the context of the pain of others. Here, it was the sacrifice he was being asked to make that made Him sweat drops of blood. How many times have we been broken over the journey and told to be content, not to give room to our emotions?

In the ultimate display of passion and emotion, Jesus died a horrific death. It was passionate obedience to his father and passionate love for me that kept Him on that cross when He could have commanded the angels to help Him. Jesus was driven by passion His entire earthly life and, even now, He fights for me with love and fervor.

How can I respond with anything less than burning passion, reckless love and overwhelming devotion?

No matter what people may think.

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Go Ahead: Offend Me

19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions  21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. Galatians 5:19-21 NIV

You can call it a weakness. A struggle. A character flaw. An addiction. A slip. A mistake. Call it whatever you want but sin by any other name is still sin. And sin still carries consequences.

I regret that, as a young believer, I did not more carefully consider and weigh the effects my sin would have on my life, my marriage and my future. Had I been more aware of the ramifications, I would likely have made different choices in the moment.

I needed to realize that sexual sin in any form would taint my understanding of true intimacy and hinder my ability to remain pure in mind, heart and life.

Allowing lust to run rampant within the privacy of my heart and mind would lead me to a place of discontentment with everything I was and everything I had because I thought it never compared to what I was lusting after.

Letting images into my mind and home of a questionable nature would eventually wear down my self-worth and cause me to feel ugly, inadequate and insecure. Comparing myself to others has become a way of life that, to this day, I am struggling to overcome.

Holding unforgiveness and judgment in my heart has led me down an ugly path of bitterness, jealousy and eventually hatred. I have been unable to see everything God has done for me because I have been so focused on what he was doing for those who, in my opinion, did not deserve it.

Sin kills. When we refuse to take responsibility, call it what it is and turn from it, we are opening a door to have the very life drained from within us. Death follows sin and the only way to get back on to the path of life is to return to God, agree with what he names sin, repent and ask for the strength to overcome.

For many of you, this is likely one of the few times you have ever been faced with such a black and white take on the matter. You have likely been told that your sin is not a big deal since we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. That there is grace for you. That God will convict you in His time if what you are doing is really that bad. For that I am sorry.

Yes-God forgives when we ask for forgiveness. But the consequences will remain. And, most importantly, holding on to our sin drives a wedge between us and God. No sin is worth that.

Church, the time has come to stop offering up a weak, watered-down version of the Gospel that is not only omitting the truth but is ultimately setting us up to fail. We need bold messages that will call our sin out and hold us accountable for our growth and holiness. We need to be challenged and confronted even if we get offended. In fact, we need to get offended.

Pastors, preachers and teachers: walk in your authority. Hold your calling in such high regard that nothing can convince you to compromise the truth. Fear God over man. Love the church enough to make us uncomfortable for the sake of helping us become who God created us to be. Call the church back to purity and watch God break out the way we desire for Him to break out.