I Used to Be a Hater

I used to hate the church. Not just the way other people dislike the church. I REALLY used to hate it. I was so offended and so hurt by the people in that place that for eight years, I refused to even walk through the doors. Then, once I did, it happened again and, as a new believer, I found myself so bitter and angry toward what I thought was supposed to be the body of Christ that I ran as far as I could for another year.

Denomination made no difference. What they claimed to believe was irrelevant. They may have appeared on the surface of things to be completely wonderful, accepting, loving people. I knew better. The church was full of hypocrites and critics. Their only motivation to get to know me was to possess the ammunition to tear me down.

I would listen to Christians talk about how, as the Body, we were called to stick together. To build one another up. To grow in love and unity. To be His hands and feet. They said those words with their mouth, but with their actions they told me time and time again that I just did not quite make the cut.

I was broken and struggling, but I still longed for relationship with other believers. I longed for a connection with someone who understood the most important priority in my life and would spur me toward wholehearted pursuit of the things of God. Rejection had driven me away and yet I knew God had created me for community.

Over time, God healed and I was able to walk back into the church again. Little by little, He restored my heart and tore down my carefully constructed defenses. I still lacked close friendships but I was able to connect on some level.

It took years of trusting Him and opening myself up to the possibility of further rejection and condemnation, but I am now beginning to build real friendships with people who accept me for who I am and yet encourage me to grow into who I am destined to become.

I thought transparency would expose my weakness and make me easy prey. Instead, by trusting people with the truth of who I am, I am becoming stronger and closer to God.

Iron really does sharpen iron. All those years of trying to struggle through on my own proved fruitless because I was never meant to go it alone.

Have you been hurt by the church? Do you believe you can live the life God is calling you to on your own? Do you resist true transparency in relationship? Without a choice to be one in heart and mind with the rest of the Body, we will never see God move the way we desire Him to.

It will be difficult, but I encourage you today to allow Holy Spirit to begin to take down your walls.

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The Recovering People Pleaser’s Pledge

I will value what others say, but will not allow what they say to dictate my value.

 I will be who I am meant to be, not who others mean for me to be.

 I will strive for meaningful friendships and will not lose sleep over those who do not want a friendship with me.

 I will not aim to offend, but will not apologize if others are offended by the truth.

 I will never defend myself for doing what I know is right, but will trust God to be my defender and the lifter of my head.

 I will always choose integrity over popularity.

 I will never confuse what looks like friendship on social media with the real thing.

 I will stand up for what I know is right, even if others reject me for it.

 I will learn to say no and mean it.

 I will not try to be friends with someone just because they are part of the right crowd.

 I will not seek validation of who I am or what I do from people.

 I will not see others as connections or a means to an end, but as people.

 I will not allow culture to determine whether or not I am successful.

 I will do what fulfills me, not what impresses others.

 Every time I change something about myself, I will ask if I am doing it for me or to make an impression on someone else.

 If I cannot truly be myself in a relationship, I will walk away.

 I will always value how God sees me more than how people see me and will live my life as one who has the favor and approval of the Father.