Winter’s End

Yesterday I stood in my kitchen watching my son play in the snow in our backyard. It is still winter here. It’s cold and the snow continues to fall. Ice is everywhere. Yet, as I stood there, I had an overwhelming sense of spring fever. And I heard the voice of the Lord say “spring is coming”.

For many of you, the last weeks, months and years have felt like an eternal winter. It has been as through spring would never come. The soil of your life has been frozen and you have lacked seed for the planting. Your ministry, family and finances have seemed barren. Even in your efforts to plant, nothing has borne fruit. Every door has been closed, every effort seems in vain. The long winter has caused you to grow weary and discouraged. Doubt about His faithfulness has crept in. Many of you have even fallen into despair and depression. You have questioned the call on your life and the promises you once believed so passionately.

BUT SPRING IS COMING!!!!!! Frozen soil is thawing. The cold is giving way to warmth, sunshine and new growth. Barren fields will soon be covered in the brilliance of color. Now is the time to ask for seed. Ask for your strategy. Ask for divine provision and appointment. Look for the open doors and begin to plant. Pour yourself out. Declare His faithfulness. Declare your identity. Trust in His provision and guidance. And expect a harvest. Winter is coming to an end.

“Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.
Isaiah 43:18 & 19

Modern Day Pilgrim: Roadblocks

Moving day had arrived (though not without its fair share of headaches and struggles). It has been said that moving is nearly as stressful as death and I would say that, after everything we experienced throughout the process, I understand the premise behind that statement.

Our plan when we listed the house was to try and be moved and settled in our new home at least a couple of weeks before the kids were to start school. I wanted the transition to be as smooth as possible and I knew that with all the changes on the horizon, the more time they had to adjust, the better. However, as time went by, I became more and more anxious. The first of August was approaching and the house had still not sold. That is when God stepped in and brought a couple across our path who were in need of a place to live.

Knowing they were to take possession on the first of September, we set out to find a new home. We were not able to find one and, once again, God proved himself faithful when friends of ours offered to take us in while we were searching for a place of our own.

Our well thought out plans had crumbled. We were scrambling at the last minute to pack, find a moving truck and get on with our new life. It appeared as though we had finally jumped the last of the hurdles, but even more roadblocks were just around the corner.

We were not able to find a moving truck on such short notice and so we had no choice but to hire movers. The only ones who were available in the near future were not free on the day we had planned to move. They were, however, free the day before. We now had only two days to pack up a five bedroom house.

Two very late nights later, our lives were finally being packed into a truck. This was a moment we had been longing for for ten years. We had dreamed about what it would be like to pick up and go. To start again somewhere else. To explore new territory and have an impact on a new region. Now that the day was here, it was difficult to muster up any excitement at all.

This was not how it was supposed to be. I was supposed to be heading off to my new home. Instead, most of what we owned would be going to storage. Our family of five would be living in three rooms for an indefinite amount of time. I was wavering back and forth between trying to convince myself good things were in store for us and ranting at God about how this was not fair. Why did it have to be this way?

Then, there was more bad news from the movers: they were not able to fit everything on the truck. We had to decide what would go and what had to stay behind until we could arrange to take another trip, rent another truck, and bring it up ourselves. My last shred of resolve broke in that moment and I began to be plagued with serious doubt. Have we made a huge mistake? Are we going in the wrong direction? Shouldn’t this be falling into place a little more easily? Fear gripped my heart when I realized that we may be heading in the wrong direction, but it was too late to turn around. We could not stay in our home because it was no longer ours. As I sat on the floor of our basement office, God revealed a truth to me that changed the way I saw the whole situation: sometimes the promise comes with a fight.

Why am I sharing this with you? Because sometimes, everything will line up against you and all you will have is what you believe God said. There will be moments when you will have to choose to fight for the promise or walk away. It is always important to pray and discern the work of the enemy from the leading of the Holy Spirit, but the theology that teaches that God’s will always falls neatly into place does much more damage than good. David had to struggle and fight and hold onto his promise long before he saw it come to pass. Joseph had to keep believing his dream from the jail cell. Abraham had nothing but the Word of the Lord to lean on when it appeared impossible.

If you have received a dream from God and you are facing opposition, pray and then fight. Pray that God will lead you and fight to take what is yours. It may not come easy but we were never promised it would be easy, we were promised we would overcome.

Are you facing opposition to your promise today?

Modern Day Pilgrim: The Detour

I used to think that if something is the will of God, everything will fall into place. Doors will fling wide open, opportunity will abound and the journey will be effortless. At some point along my walk, I became convinced that if there is a struggle to attain the promise, it must not be the right timing, the right direction or the right vision.

Now I know better. Shortly after God spoke to us about leaving Medicine Hat and brought a very broken couple into our home, we packed up and set out. We came to Red Deer, looking for a place to rent. That was the first step in a completely different direction than we were expecting to take. Our plan did not include renting. It included paying off debt and buying. Our plan was clean and simple; God’s plan was messy but full of grace and purpose.

We looked at house after house. There were times when we would show up and be told the house had already been rented. Sometimes, we could not possibly justify paying the prices people were asking for houses that were falling apart. There was only one that we would have even considered and even that one felt like a compromise. There was nothing wrong with the house or the price, it simply did not feel like our house. We talked. We prayed. We searched our hearts and could not come to a place of peace. We knew, however, that we might have to live there for a season while we looked for something else. At this point, we could not afford to be picky. School was starting in two weeks and I had still not registered my children. We both had jobs waiting for us and we knew they wouldn’t wait for ever.

In frustration, I sent a text to a friend of ours whom we had stayed with last time we were looking for houses. She offered to let us stay with them for as long as we needed. My pride flared up. “I am a grown woman with a husband and three children of my own. I don’t want to have to live with someone else. It is bad enough that I have to rent instead of buying a place of my own. I hate communal living.” I tossed the idea out almost immediately.

But it kept coming back. For a full day, my husband and I prayed and anguished over the decision to live with other people. “What would it mean for our kids? Will we have any privacy? How long will we have to stay there?” Eventually, we both faced the truth of what God was asking us to do. We did not understand why He was leading us down this path (we still only understand in part), but we knew it was a direction we needed to explore.

I would be lying if I said that from that moment on, everything fell perfectly into place. It would make for such a happy, fairy tale ending if I told you that right when we were about move in with our friends, an amazing opportunity presented itself; that it had all merely been a test of obedience. That was not the case. There have been many questions. “Why do we have to be here? What is this season all about? When will we be able to move on? We have already spent 10 years waiting, do we really have to wait more?”

As we stepped out to obey what we believed to be the call of God, things became even more difficult…

Second Class Citizen

I recently decided to quit living as a stranger in a foreign land. For many years, I have had a sense of being on the outside looking in on the great things of the Kingdom. I have watched as those around me have accomplished more than I ever could have hoped for. They were living their dreams while I was trapped by mine. Yearning for more but stuck in the land of mediocrity and unfulfilled longing.

Before long, jealousy began to take root in my heart. Then bitterness. Then worthlessness. I went from being in love with God to feeling rejected by Him and by His people. Why wasn’t I good enough? Why couldn’t I make my life count for something? Why did God give me a dream I would never see come to pass? Was I going to spend the rest of my life on the sidelines, watching God move but never being invited into the game?

I found myself unable to really enter into the family of God. I was too busy comparing myself and my life to everyone around me. Insecurity and inadequacy were my constant companions, preventing me from enjoying the gifts others brought to the table. I had accepted my lot as a second class citizen in the Kingdom.

My vision had been tainted by my experience. I saw that God had two types of children:

Those He was truly proud of and those He simply tolerated.

Those He desired to lavish blessing on and those for whom He provided the bare minimum.

Those who walked in His favor and those who walked in the shadow cast by their siblings.

Those who mattered and those who merely existed.

I tried to overcome my orphan mentality. I tried to believe what the Word said about who I was. I tried to explain it away every time I saw someone walk in the blessing I was seeking. I tried to love God even though He treated me like an unwanted step child instead of a chosen daughter. But my efforts failed.

Nothing I said or did seemed to get my Father’s attention. My broken heart did not seem to break His. My desperate cries fell on deaf ears. My longing was left unfulfilled. My requests were overlooked. I did not belong in this family. God did not choose me, He was stuck with me.

I wish I could tell you that God broke into my life in a powerful, dramatic way and set me free from the prison of my heart and mind. I would love to say that I never struggle with feeling overlooked anymore. If I could, I would share how God released me fully into everything I have been waiting for and I have never looked back.

I can not say any of that. What I can say is that day by day, little by little, my heavenly Father is whispering in my ear about who I am. He is speaking truth into a minefield of lies. Some wounds are deeper than others. Some have been there longer. Some are proving to be more difficult to heal.

Now, I know that I am chosen. I know that I am loved. I may not be walking in everything I have been hoping for, but I am walking in the unfailing love of the One who created me. I am beginning to believe that what He brings is His best, even if it is not what I would have chosen. I am daring to step into the arena and connect with my brothers and sisters again. I am choosing to live like I belong here.

Do you feel like a Kingdom outcast today? Listen to the quiet voice in your heart, telling you: ‘you are chosen, you are loved, you are mine’. Nothing else matters.

Who is Your Aaron?

The Amalekites came and attacked the Israelites at Rephidim. Moses said to Joshua, “Choose some of our men and go out to fight the Amalekites. Tomorrow I will stand on top of the hill with the staff of God in my hands.”

So Joshua fought the Amalekites as Moses had ordered, and Moses, Aaron and Hur went to the top of the hill. As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning. When Moses’ hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up—one on one side, one on the other—so that his hands remained steady till sunset. So Joshua overcame the Amalekite army with the sword. Exodus 17:8-13 NIV

Quitting is not an option. There are battles to be fought, wars to be waged and spoils to be claimed. Many times, the battles we are called to fight in the Spirit are being fought in order to contend for freedom, whether for ourselves or another. To surrender is to settle for less than what has been promised to us as children of God and co-heirs with Christ.

Freedom is a promise. It is for freedom that Christ died on our behalf. Freedom from addiction, oppression, and slavery. Freedom to walk in the fullness and abundance of life we are destined to walk in. Freedom from the torment of guilt, condemnation and worthlessness.

We are called to walk in freedom so that we may become carriers of freedom for others. Every small fight that is won in the Spirit has the potential to offer hope to someone who is still engaged in the battle. Every time we refuse to give in and give up, we are laying a foundation of strength to overcome the next battle and many more to come. When we will not relent, we will walk in victory. Yet, there will come a time when we are too worn out to stay in the battle.

What happens when we are too tired and weary to fight anymore? Have we lost the battle? Will we miss out on the promises of God simply because we are no longer able to hold our arms up? Has all the warring been in vain if our strength gives out in the last moments of the fight?

When your arms cannot stay up any longer, ask God to send you an Aaron. I am a fighter. I will often contend long after others have given up on the cause. When I believe God has promised something, I will not surrender until I see it come to pass. But the fight is proving to be too much for me in recent weeks. Praying and seeking and believing for years without seeing the fruit of my work has wearied my heart and sapped my strength. I have nothing left to give.

For this season, God has given me my Aaron. My husband Shane has fought his share of battles and I have fought along side of him for ten years. We have seen victory in many areas and are still waiting to see it in many more. Sometimes I have held his arms up and sometimes he has held mine.

The time has come for me to lean on my God and allow Shane to hold my arms up. I no longer have the strength to fight but God has not left me. Shane is still warring on my behalf and one day, we will see our Promised Land.

Who is your Aaron? Today, you need to know that it is okay to be weak and allow your arms to be held up by the faithful ones God has placed in your life. Your victory is on it’s way.

Are You Okay?

Are you okay mom? That is becoming a regular question around my home lately as my daughter is noticing that I have just not been myself. Many days, I feel as though I am losing the battle with fear, discouragement and condemnation. Struggles I long believed to have gained victory over have returned to the surface of my heart and mind with a vengeance, often leaving me weak and overwhelmed.

In these moments, every well meaning yet ultimately fruitless piece of advice I have been given over the years begins to run through my mind:

“When the battle is hardest, that is when you must press in to take hold of your victory”.

“You just need to read the Word more.”

“There is a lesson to be learned in this.”

“Maybe you have opened a door to the enemy.”

“I know a formula to break free from the curse you are under.”

“You should take this program, it worked when I was struggling.”

“You wouldn’t be facing this much opposition if you were not heading in the right direction.”

“It is a timing thing.”

“You need to change your heart.”

“If God was going to do it, he would have done it by now.”

And on and on the list goes. The result? I am confused and even more hopeless than I was to begin with. Is there some truth to these words? Perhaps. But I know one thing to be true: when I begin working myself into a frenzy to try and find the solution, I end up frustrated and, often times, angry with God for not coming to my rescue.

When I think He should be speaking clearly, He remains silent. When I seek answers, I am faced with more questions. When I believe my answer is on the way, I am met with yet another season of waiting. The days, months and years pass and still I am left longing for a breakthrough that seems more unattainable now than it ever has.

I don’t need Sunday school answers. I will not be set free by a formula. Answers offered in these times are often offered only because there is nothing else to say.

What do I need?

I need to wrestle with God. I need to ask the difficult and painful questions and find out if I am content with never getting the answers I am looking for. I need to face my fear. I need to look years of guilt and regret in the face and decide if I will continue to dwell or pick up and move on.

I need to settle in my own heart the issue of the goodness of God. If I never get what I long for, is God still good? Has he allowed me to waste ten years of my life hoping and waiting for a promise that was never mine to have? Is He truly willing to take the rubble of my life and turn it into something worth living for? Or has He withheld everything good from me?

I need to stop looking to people to fix me. I am not broken. I am not a project. I am a child of God. I struggle. I fail. I cry. I doubt. I judge. I quit. I screw up. And deep down, I hope.

I hope that I have not fallen too far to be redeemed. I hope that despite appearances and the opinions of others, my dreams will still come true. I hope that all the waiting and trying and struggling have not been in vain. I hope that breakthrough, as far off as it seems, has not eluded me.

Am I okay? As long as I never quit wrestling, I will always be okay.

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Where Seeking Ends and Striving Begins

Are you seeking or striving?

Seeking the face and the presence of God is a life long endeavor. Once you have tasted and seen the goodness of God and developed the intimacy that can only come through communion and pursuit, you will desire it with more frequency and depth every day.

However, even seeking God can become something it was never meant to be. Sometimes, we are drawn to seek Him when life has gone wrong and we are desperate for deliverance. There are times when we are on the mountain top and we find such great joy in His presence.

Then, there are also those seasons when we are seeking Him to change us.

Becoming who we were created to be and allowing Holy Spirit to shape us and mold us more clearly into the image of Christ is a high calling. As He works in and through us, bondage begins to loosen. Addictions lessen their power. Sin becomes less appealing. Relationships are both tested and restored. Past pain is healed.

Looking back to where you came from can be a great sense of comfort. Seeing all that He has done strengthens faith and rekindles determination to continue to run the race.

Unless it appears that you have not gotten anywhere. Do you feel like you are still standing at the starting line? Are you tired of watching everyone around you overcome their struggles while you remain powerless to change and move forward into the new and promising future God says He has for you? Have you begun to believe that your addiction, your bondage or your habitual sin is the thorn that will forever pierce your flesh?

This is often where seeking ends and striving begins. Guilt steps up to the plate and begins to taunt you. A real Christian would be free from this by now. You are not praying hard enough. You must have sin in your life or God would be answering your prayers. You just don’t want to be free badly enough.

Confusion reigns. You can’t even hear the voice of God. How are you ever going to know what He wants you to do to be free? Everything you have tried has failed, you must be on the wrong track.

Before long, the time spent in the presence of God that once brought comfort and refreshing is now full of anxious thoughts, confusion, condemnation, hopelessness and fear that things will always be this way. That you will always be this way.

You have entered into striving. Striving to measure up. Striving to get God to hear your prayers. Striving to achieve. Striving to become. You have forgotten one very important truth about the God you worship: He is the God who offers rest.

Enter into that rest today. Come into God’s presence as you are. Sit at His feet. Even as the mess you are, He longs to meet with you. Stop trying to become and simply be. God knows what you long for and who you desire to be. The work of transformation is His and His alone. Simply show up.

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Ask a New Question

What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

There it is. The question that is so often asked in order to motivate us into moving forward with a dream. When we begin to think outside of our limitations, we see how much more our lives could be.

If finances were readily available, we would not have to choose between pursuing our dreams and feeding our family.

If we had all the support we needed, we would not have to fear going it alone.

If failure was impossible, we would never have to think twice about running hard after the thing that burns deeply within us.

Asking the question may help you think about what you would be doing with your life under ideal circumstances, but the truth is, circumstances are very rarely ideal. Failure is always a very real possibility.

The issue is not with the answers. The issue is with the question. You cannot always lift the limitations you find yourself under. When you do not have what you need to live your dream, asking the question can leave you feeling frustrated and discouraged. It is easier to ignore the dream than to have your heart broken longing for something you know may never come to pass.

The very dream within your heart can seem a lot more like a nightmare when you cannot seem to attain it. Advice from others only frustrates you more. Knowing that the hindrances in your way are immovable for the time being creates a sense of hopelessness. Nothing you try gets you any closer to the vision. Opinions and questions from well meaning loved ones flood in and overwhelm, causing you to question the dream. Before long, you choose not to share your heart because you know that nobody will understand why you seem unable to move forward or why you don’t just give up. It is never going to happen anyway, right?

Don’t quit dreaming; ask a new question.

What would you do if the only opinion you had to consider was the opinion of God?

No matter how much your family and friends love you, they are not carrying your dream; you are. They do not feel the ache that comes from unfulfilled longing; you do. They have not experienced the wall that seems to keep popping up and blocking your way; you have.

Continue to be thankful for and love the people in your life, but do not give them the place only God deserves.

Only God knows the timing of your calling.

Only God truly sees your heart and knows your struggle.

Only God knows exactly what you need to fulfill your purpose.

Only God knows what is really in the way of your dreams.

Only God can open the right doors at the right time.

Only the opinion of God matters.

Again, I ask: What would you do if the only opinion you had to consider was the opinion of God?

Would you continue to believe even when others tell you it is never going to happen?

Would you trust Him to lead you where you need to go?

Would you lean into Him, knowing that His will is perfect?

Would you hope even when all hope should be gone?

Would you try again no matter how many times you have already failed?

Would you wait even when everyone else thinks you should be doing something?

Would you go, even if you have to go alone?

Make God’s opinion the only one that matters today and peace will flood your heart and mind.

 

 

 

 

 

Where’s the Shortcut?

Trials produce perseverance. Despite the pain they often cause, trials have immeasurable value when it comes to growing into the person you are destined to become. There are no short cuts to true spiritual maturity for God knows that it is only by walking through the fire, one step at a time, that the worthlessness of the world will be burned away.

Knowing that does not necessarily change the way we see trials in life or the way we approach them. Sometimes, knowing that good will come from what we are going through is not enough to keep us there. We get uncomfortable and we hide. We run. We deny. We escape. We do whatever we can think of to avoid the pain. Then, when we emerge from hiding, we are no further along than we were when we started and we have not allowed the trial to serve the purpose God had for it.

So, if knowing that you are developing perseverance in the storm does not help you see the hope in the depth of the pain, consider that you are also on the path to personal revival and awakening. If you are anything like me, you would love to be able to fly past the painful part right into the season of new life. But the old must pass away before the new can be born.

Allow the sickness in your family to rid you of your tendency to blame God and lean on your own self sufficiency. If you will be open to the work of Holy Spirit, He will create in you complete dependence on and faith in God.

Do not grow discouraged by the loved one you are praying for who seems to walk further and further away from God. Allow your desire to see them come to know Him to drive you to your knees in desperation and renewed hope when it would be easier to quit.

Allow a bleak financial situation to open your eyes to the truth: He is your provider. Look not to what you can do on your own, but to what He has given you and what He is able to do in, for and through you.

A difficult marriage is not an excuse to give up and walk out. You have been given an opportunity, through the power of Holy Spirit, to relinquish your rights and demonstrate a selfless love so rarely seen in marriage today. He can breathe new life into a dead and barren relationship.

In the midst of your crisis, take a step back, breathe and see it for what it really is: an invitation to come up higher in your relationship with God and to dive down deeper into the knowledge of Him.

There is only one way to get there. You can not go over, under or around. You must go through.

 

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I Used to Be a Hater

I used to hate the church. Not just the way other people dislike the church. I REALLY used to hate it. I was so offended and so hurt by the people in that place that for eight years, I refused to even walk through the doors. Then, once I did, it happened again and, as a new believer, I found myself so bitter and angry toward what I thought was supposed to be the body of Christ that I ran as far as I could for another year.

Denomination made no difference. What they claimed to believe was irrelevant. They may have appeared on the surface of things to be completely wonderful, accepting, loving people. I knew better. The church was full of hypocrites and critics. Their only motivation to get to know me was to possess the ammunition to tear me down.

I would listen to Christians talk about how, as the Body, we were called to stick together. To build one another up. To grow in love and unity. To be His hands and feet. They said those words with their mouth, but with their actions they told me time and time again that I just did not quite make the cut.

I was broken and struggling, but I still longed for relationship with other believers. I longed for a connection with someone who understood the most important priority in my life and would spur me toward wholehearted pursuit of the things of God. Rejection had driven me away and yet I knew God had created me for community.

Over time, God healed and I was able to walk back into the church again. Little by little, He restored my heart and tore down my carefully constructed defenses. I still lacked close friendships but I was able to connect on some level.

It took years of trusting Him and opening myself up to the possibility of further rejection and condemnation, but I am now beginning to build real friendships with people who accept me for who I am and yet encourage me to grow into who I am destined to become.

I thought transparency would expose my weakness and make me easy prey. Instead, by trusting people with the truth of who I am, I am becoming stronger and closer to God.

Iron really does sharpen iron. All those years of trying to struggle through on my own proved fruitless because I was never meant to go it alone.

Have you been hurt by the church? Do you believe you can live the life God is calling you to on your own? Do you resist true transparency in relationship? Without a choice to be one in heart and mind with the rest of the Body, we will never see God move the way we desire Him to.

It will be difficult, but I encourage you today to allow Holy Spirit to begin to take down your walls.

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