From Bondage to Blessing

I have been criticized for my rigid stance on purity. When I wrote What’s so Magic About Mike? those who disagreed with my position believed that I was writing from a place of judgment and condemnation. The truth is, my desire to see the church living in purity has nothing to do with judging and everything to do with wanting to see freedom for the people of God. Still, many may wonder who I am to be challenging the church to such a standard.

I am the wife of a recovering pornography addict.

I am writing to the woman who feels ugly, rejected and worthless. The one who has come to hate what she sees when she looks in the mirror because she will never be able to measure up to the images in her husband’s mind.

To the young man or woman who is trapped by sexual addiction and feels powerless, ashamed and hopeless: I write for you.

I know the destructive power of sexual addiction. However, I also know that the power of my God far exceeds anything you are trapped by today. As someone who was once bound and is now free, please believe me when I say that if you do not give up the fight, you will emerge victorious.

I was a single mother at the age of eighteen.

Young woman who is contemplating abortion, I write for you. I know the fear in your heart but even in this, God has not forsaken you. If you seek Him, He will be found by you. Your life is not over. There is still hope and a future for you. It is not too late for you to become everything you were born to be and it starts with making the right choice now.

I struggled with issues of purity from the ages of seven to twenty-three.

At a very young age, my innocence was lost. I was never abused as a child, but I carried an overwhelming sense of worthlessness and impurity. Over time, it became so much a part of who I was that I could not break free.

To the one who has had your innocence stolen, I am writing for you. God can restore all things, even purity. In His eyes, you are not worthless or beyond redemption. If you will call on the name of Jesus, He will cover you with His purity and restore to you what has been lost.

I am now free from sexual sin, addiction and bondage.

Freedom did not come quickly or without cost, but today my husband and I are both walking in purity and wholeness.

To anyone who has quit believing that you will ever be able to overcome this struggle, I will always write for you. Freedom is a promise for the children of God and I will continue to write it, preach it and pray for it until I see it. Today, if you are trapped and struggling, please feel free to email me. I would love to pray for you.

To read my story of struggle and deliverance, visit the Free eBook page and click to download my full testimony Marked: the story of a desperate girl and the God who redeemed her.

Go Ahead: Offend Me

19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions  21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. Galatians 5:19-21 NIV

You can call it a weakness. A struggle. A character flaw. An addiction. A slip. A mistake. Call it whatever you want but sin by any other name is still sin. And sin still carries consequences.

I regret that, as a young believer, I did not more carefully consider and weigh the effects my sin would have on my life, my marriage and my future. Had I been more aware of the ramifications, I would likely have made different choices in the moment.

I needed to realize that sexual sin in any form would taint my understanding of true intimacy and hinder my ability to remain pure in mind, heart and life.

Allowing lust to run rampant within the privacy of my heart and mind would lead me to a place of discontentment with everything I was and everything I had because I thought it never compared to what I was lusting after.

Letting images into my mind and home of a questionable nature would eventually wear down my self-worth and cause me to feel ugly, inadequate and insecure. Comparing myself to others has become a way of life that, to this day, I am struggling to overcome.

Holding unforgiveness and judgment in my heart has led me down an ugly path of bitterness, jealousy and eventually hatred. I have been unable to see everything God has done for me because I have been so focused on what he was doing for those who, in my opinion, did not deserve it.

Sin kills. When we refuse to take responsibility, call it what it is and turn from it, we are opening a door to have the very life drained from within us. Death follows sin and the only way to get back on to the path of life is to return to God, agree with what he names sin, repent and ask for the strength to overcome.

For many of you, this is likely one of the few times you have ever been faced with such a black and white take on the matter. You have likely been told that your sin is not a big deal since we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. That there is grace for you. That God will convict you in His time if what you are doing is really that bad. For that I am sorry.

Yes-God forgives when we ask for forgiveness. But the consequences will remain. And, most importantly, holding on to our sin drives a wedge between us and God. No sin is worth that.

Church, the time has come to stop offering up a weak, watered-down version of the Gospel that is not only omitting the truth but is ultimately setting us up to fail. We need bold messages that will call our sin out and hold us accountable for our growth and holiness. We need to be challenged and confronted even if we get offended. In fact, we need to get offended.

Pastors, preachers and teachers: walk in your authority. Hold your calling in such high regard that nothing can convince you to compromise the truth. Fear God over man. Love the church enough to make us uncomfortable for the sake of helping us become who God created us to be. Call the church back to purity and watch God break out the way we desire for Him to break out.

No More Spiritual Hermits

When was the last time someone pointed the finger at sin in your life? Do you have a trusted friend you can share your deepest, darkest secrets with? Most of us don’t. We have come to see our relationship with God as a private affair and refuse to allow other members of the family of God to correct, admonish or even encourage us.

Whether we are willing to accept it our not, we are not meant to live our Christian lives as spiritual hermits. And while some may feel that I have no place writing about the issue, the Bible is clear about the responsibility of Christians to hold one another accountable.

There it is. Accountability. A very Godly principle that we have somehow come to see as a four letter word. For my take on that, read https://brandierau.wordpress.com/2012/09/04/these-are-not-four-letter-words/ When did we, as Christians, get it into our heads that purity and accountability are outdated and unnecessary in our lives while they were such a vital part of the church of Acts and the life of Christians throughout the pages of scripture?

It is so easy to feel condemned and judged when our sin is revealed . But we must come to understand that there is a difference between addressing sin and judging people. Ask yourself this…did Jesus EVER say that we were not to confront sin? Or just that we are not to judge people? If we are not able to address sin in the Body, what is the point of community? I did not invent the concept of accountability.

If you want to know the truth, I am uncomfortable with it as well. I would rather walk my relationship with God out in private and set the standard for sin myself. But I would be robbing myself of the level of holiness and intimacy with God that a pure heart and accountable life bring. Working out our salvation is sometimes difficult and we have been given the Body to help us through it.

I do not ever want anyone to think that I am condemning them, but I need to call the issue out. We are not above the Word. We are called to study it, absorb and live it. Instead, we prefer to determine how we would like to live and then bend the scripture to suit our lifestyle. Mindsets that claim that our walk is just between us and God and are exclusive to who we are is not only misguided, but wrong.

I know that I may be playing with fire here but part of the reason we have this problem in the first place is because we refuse to take a stand for the things God takes a stand for, purity being a strong front-runner. For more about purity, read What’s So Magic About Mike? https://brandierau.wordpress.com/2012/09/06/whats-so-magic-about-mike/

We don’t want to talk about the things that are likely to make us uncomfortable or unpopular. We love people and so we want to offer them grace. But when we offer cheap grace and turn a blind eye to those things the Word speaks against, we are not acting in love. We are enabling skewed theology and entitled living.

We all desire to live our way. We don’t want to be told what to do or how to do it. We reject correction and get offended when confronted. I do, anyway.

We don’t get to set the standard. It has already been set by the One who promised us the power and strength to pursue it. I don’t want you to believe everything I say without checking it out for yourself so I have included some verses on the topics of purity and accountability.

Confession & Accountability

6 Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. 2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6: 1 & 2

16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. James 5:16 NIV

16 Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. Colossians 3:16 NIV

25 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. Ephesians 4:25 NIV

26 If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left. Hebrews 10:26

Lust

28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Matthew 5:28 NIV

16 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. Galatians 5:16

8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8 NIV

11 For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. 12 It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age. Titus 2:11-13 NIV

I will be careful to lead a blameless life-when will you come to me?I will conduct the affairs of my house with a blameless heart.3 I will not look with approval on anything that is vile.

Psalm 101:2-3a NIV

Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. 2 Timothy 2:22 NIV

Do you think accountability is a crucial part of the Christian life? How do we bring it back?

What’s So Magic About Mike?

Ever since the movie Magic Mike came out this summer, I have been itching to write about it. Not because I love the idea of controversy but because the response to the movie revealed the extent to which acceptable standards in everything from marriage to entertainment have been lowered. The line has been blurred causing a disturbing inability to distinguish those who know Christ from those who don’t. When trailers began to circulate on line and comments were being made in anticipation of the release of the movie, I decided to test the waters. I posted a status on Face book challenging women, and especially Christian women, to choose purity. And then I waited.

I wish I could say that I was surprised by the reaction. I focused in on those women I know to be followers of Christ and heard it all, from “It can’t be that bad, it’s only rated 14A” to “I have seen my husband watch movies with female nudity for years. Now it’s my turn and I am going to be the first one in line”. In a world that is desensitized and unaware of the damage such loose morals cause, these reactions seem completely rational and even fair. After all, it’s true. For years, women have watched as their men have been exposed to no shortage of sexualized entertainment and we have barely batted an eye. So why am I so bothered now that the tables have turned?

Because I value my marriage. I know what it feels like to think I am inadequate in light of the impossible standard set for me by an industry that makes it’s money by selling sex. To inflict the same sense of shame and insecurity on my husband would not even the score, it would only serve to drive a wedge between us that would eventually begin to erode the most sacred and intimate part of our marriage.

Because I value the Word, commands and character of God. The argument that we, as Christians, need to be relevant to our culture has begun to wear thin with me to the point of irritation. We are called to something so much greater, so much higher than to blend in. We are called to be pure. In heart, mind and life. Feasting my eyes on practically naked men who are not my husband in no way even comes close to that..

But most of all, because I know the fulfillment that comes from choosing purity over compromise. I know how far from God I feel when I choose to dwell on things I have no business dwelling on. I know how sweet a marriage can be when I truly decide to forsake all others, even in my thoughts and heart. And I desire to live unhindered, pure and honest before God and my husband. I know that I stumble and always will, but I hope that everyday, I am closer to the standard of purity set before me. A desire, I know, is within us all.

These Are Not Four Letter Words!

There are a lot of things I would rather not talk about. My weight. My age. My inner struggles. But just because I don’t want to talk about something doesn’t make it cease to exist. Further, refusing to address something doesn’t mean it is not important or even vital. The same is true for many of the subjects we have quit talking about in Church (please note, that when I say Church, I mean all Christians but I do not mean to say that all Christians are horrible, hypocritical people). Before I mention anymore about said words, however, please let me say that I love the Church. The entire purpose of what I do is to strengthen and call the Body back to everything that we were designed by God to be and to have. So, that being said, know that I do not condemn the Church or the people in it. I have merely observed those things which are absent and would love nothing more than to see them restored.
For most of us, we avoid talking about things that are painful or uncomfortable to save ourselves a momentary tension which could result in a lasting change. Talking about the problems in our marriages hurts. Having to be honest and vulnerable sets us up for rejection and heartache. Confronting the one we love can hurt us as much as it hurts them. But when we take the steps to face and resolve issues, we end up with a marriage that is built on mutual trust, respect and commitment to see it through even when it gets uncomfortable.
Knowing that, imagine what would happen if we, as the Church, quit running from the awkward conversations and began to deal with them. What would happen if we brought back the practices of confession, confrontation and accountability. What would we gain if we worried less about offending people and more about helping them through some of the things we have been sweeping under the rug? What if the standard which God himself put forth in His Word once again became the standard to which we as individuals, families and churches aspired?
I am talking about words like SIN. PURITY. CONFESSION. HUMILITY. CONSEQUENCE. REVERENCE. HONOR. INTEGRITY. UNITY. SACRIFICE. SELFLESSNESS. SUFFERING. SUBMISSION. CONVICTION. HOLINESS. These are not words from another time. They do not refer to the ways things used to be before the Church got “relevant”. They are not the ways that God and church leaders use to manipulate us and leaving us feeling worthless and condemned. These are not four letter words. They are the words that, when spoken about properly and acted on accordingly, hold the potential to bring about revival in the true sense of the word. To resurrect something that has died. To bring us back to the life-giving, planet-shaking, earth-changing force we are meant to be: THE CHURCH.